Monday, 19 May 2014

It's all about letting go

The hardest part about letting go is to realise that the other person already did. Image

My best friend broke up with her boyfriend recently. As a simple girl, her boy friend has always meant the world to her. Literally, all her thoughts are centred around her boyfriend. During our girl outings when we go shopping, she would see a shirt and say that her boyfriend likes to see her in that dressing style; while eating squids by the street, she would say how he only likes to eat in classy restaurants; even when I drive her around, she would describe the way her boyfriend speeds and turns. All of which, she has told me countless times, that I can remember these details as if I know him as a mate. Of course, I've met him before. He's a gentle nice guy.

Then almost a month ago, a few day after their first anniversary, the guy insisted on breaking up. I was studying at 3am when she called. I didn't pick up cos' I wanted to complete my mind map. 3 minutes later I dialed back and she asked, "eh you haven't slept?" "No, I haven't. " Suddenly I started some mad muttering cries that sounded like one from a ghost. I was like WTF WATCHA TALKIN' DUDE. Then after a few more attempts I finally was able to make out of what she said, "Jinghuii ahh Jason wants to break up with me. "

I swear that it could have easily been the saddest phone call I've ever received. I love her and she's in deep agony and I can't do much. She didn't even know the exact reason of the split. Looking back, I'm sure that she had some craziest thoughts in mind. In one night, she lost all her confidence and strength. She didn't know how to face people anymore; she can't sleep without waking up a few times in the middle of the night; she can't eat without feeling nauseated. She gave all of herself into investing in the relationship and him.

It reminded me of a chinese saying that goes, "when you give all your most beautiful things to a man, you're left with nothing for yourself. How would a man love and hold on to something that doesn't shine any longer?"

I watch her wilt and remembering how my friends healed me, I tried my best doing the same for her. I make sure that she knows her self-worth, that she's still beautiful, that she never needs a man to live and love well. Every few days I would knock by at her doorstep and talk to her even in the midst of my exam preparation, hoping that today, she isn't as broken as yesterday. Then in process, I would realise how much my friends have done, to pull me out of grief. Well one month has passed now.

It's really great to see her starting to pick herself up step by step. She still talks and thinks about him. But she no longer cries. Today, she found out that he already has a new love after barely a month past the split. She was sad but she already isn't as weak as before. I watched her face and I felt like a proud best friend. Wish her a great life being emotionally independent and happy. :)

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All these remind me of how lucky I am, being down and picked up, defeated and strengthened, and to have a best friend who loves me in all the right ways. I remember immersing myself in alcohols, I remember being so weak, not knowing how to be myself around people. Now I feel empowered, I feel electric, I feel attractive, I feel smart, and above all, I feel loved, by myself. After all, who gives a flying f*** about men? HAHA joking! I love my boyfriend very much and he's the best dumb cute thing ever! Image

Gotta start packing for the trip in 10 hours. Signing off.

#nowplaying fly away from here, from this dark cold hotel room.

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